Sailorvenus - R.I.P.
by Dark Day For Anime
Summary: A Sailormoon take on a tale frequently told by Tom Baker about himself....


Based on one of those stories Tom Baker is fond of telling people  
about himself....  
  
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All characters pertaining to Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon are the   
creation of Takeuchi Naoko, and are being used without her   
permission in this fanfiction.  
  
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S A I L O R V E N U S - R. I. P.  
by Dark Day for Anime (Mark Andrew Page)  
  
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The Sailorsenshi of Crystal Tokyo never asked for much, but   
they were given it anyway. Of course, it was only natural that such  
important members of the Kingdom's hierachy should have entire mini-  
empires all of their own.... Serenity was a very giving Queen.  
  
And so, being partial to the social set, the Senshi of Venus   
chose to base herself in an inner city apartment building.... A   
very LARGE inner city apartment building, where she resided along   
with her almost 3000 strong staff. She had everything she wanted   
within easy reach.... The theaters, the tv and radio studios, the  
open air galas, the premier shopping district, the restaurants, the  
fairgrounds....  
  
But no matter how hard her staff tried, whenever she was   
invited to a function within one of these easy to reach venues, she  
always seemed to be late. It was almost as if some tiny mechanism  
within her mind shut off important dates and threw her, neck deep,   
into a ditz mire.  
  
And, of course, having been invited, she HAD to attend, just   
one of the many duties of a Senshi of Crystal Tokyo. Today's was  
the Autism Week Luncheon, being held at the Crystal Tokyo Hyatt.   
And, of course, she was late and in a lather. She'd charged out of  
her penthouse apartment, dressed in a flamboyant mockery of her   
official senshi gown (Venus was not one for sartorial modesty) into  
the main lift, leading to the lobby. Behind her trailed her   
courtesans, in an equivalent state of panic, worrying that she might  
do something incredibly stupid again.  
  
  
As the lift doors opened in the lobby of her apartment   
building, she and her page came charging out, screaming like a pair  
of wounded banshees, causing all and sundry to scatter in every   
direction.  
  
"Gawd, she's late again." Ingmar, one of the lobby security  
guards watched as the pair disappeared through the revolving front  
doors. He turned to his partner, Jersey, who was watching the pair  
skidding to a halt at the kerbside taxi rank on one of the security  
monitors. "Ere.... Hasn't she got a private chauffeur service?"  
  
"Not today she hasn't." Jersey sniffed.  
  
"Why's that, then?" Ingmar scratched his head as he sat down  
behind the security desk. Jersey sighed and looked at him,   
painfully.  
  
"Cos they're on strike.... Something about a pay dispute with  
the local authorities. Don't you watch the morning news or   
suffink?"  
  
"Nah. They aven't got anything to say, do they?" Ingmar   
shrugged as he turned to Jersey. "So, that why she's in such a fit,  
cos she has ta take a taxi?"  
  
"Yeah.... This should be interestin' for the driver." Jersey  
smirked.  
  
----o  
  
Venus turned to her page. "I have to say, this must be The   
Best taxi rank I've ever come across. Not a single cab in sight."   
She sighed as she caught her breath.  
  
"Venus-sama.... You really should allow the Palace   
Guardoliers to take you to the luncheon...." Her page, a young   
woman with light brown hair, a round face and a slightly upturned   
nose by the name of Sophie, tugged on her mistress's sleeve. Venus  
turned to her with an exasperated look.  
  
"And how long will it take to arrange that?" She huffed.   
"Why didn't any of you try to wake me earlier?"  
  
"We did try, Venus-sama.... But you told us to pi...."  
  
"Yes, that'll be enough of that." Venus spied a yellow object  
sailing through the traffic towards them, some way up the street.   
Throwing her arm into the air, and jumping with great effort, she   
shouted.... "TAXI! TAAAAAXIIII! HERE TAXI TAXI TAXI TAXI, HERE   
BOY!" And much to her surprise, the vehicle proceeded to cut   
through great banks of moving metal in an effort to reach her,   
coming to a sudden halt in front of her. "Now THAT'S what I call  
service." She smiled, and reached to open the rear door, beaten to  
it by her altogether too-eager page.  
  
After giving Sophie a stern look, Venus stepped into the rear  
of the cab, taking in the somewhat dubious odor of its interior.   
It had been a long time since she had taken a taxi in Tokyo, and now  
she remembered why.  
  
Sophie closed the door behind her as she buckled herself in,   
finding it a bit of a chore with her expansive coat and dress.   
Sophie then opened the front passenger door of the cab and got in   
herself, noticing that the taxi driver was open mouthed at the sight  
of the passenger in the rear seat. "Ahem." She tried to get his  
attention, failed. "A-HEM." This time, she succeeded.  
  
"Uh, yes?" The driver was a middle-aged, balding individual   
of indefinable descent, and a deep, croaky voice, generated by a   
heavy addiction to nicotine. Sophie was wildly embarrassed that her  
mistress should have to travel in such a vehicle with such a   
driver.... But those were the vagaries of Venus.  
  
"The Hyatt Regency, Emerald Way." She closed the door behind  
her and wrestled with her seatbelt.  
  
"Right you are, lady." The driver nodded, hitting the clock   
and steering the taxi into the traffic, occasionally glancing at his  
rear-seat passenger in the mirror.  
  
Sophie studied him as he did this, wondering when he would   
finally break and ask the expected question. They were halfway   
there when it happened, although not quite in the manner she'd   
thought. "I know who you are, don't I?" He half-turned to Venus  
as they stopped at a set of red lights. Venus, who had been   
glancing out of the window, absent-mindedly, turned to him in   
surprise.  
  
"Hmm? What was that?" She blinked.  
  
"I know who you are." He smiled. "You're one of those   
Sailorsenshi girls, aren't you?" Venus smiled politely, used to the  
kind of attention the driver was giving her.  
  
"Yes, I am." She nodded.  
  
"Well, I must say.... It's a pleasure to have you in my cab,   
Sailorjupiter." Both Venus and Sophie facefaulted at the driver's  
statement, just as he turned back to the lights, tapping his fingers  
on the steering wheel.  
  
"Ano..." Sophie started.  
  
"Yes, you've always been my favourite amongst the   
Sailorsenshi, Miss Jupiter. Such a noble face.... Strong,   
determined eyes, ready for action, yet kind and caring at the same  
time." Venus nodded, sweatdropping as the lights went green and he  
pulled away from the intersection. "I've followed your career ever  
since I was a young boy, you know.... Always getting into arguments  
with the other boys in school over who of you was the best. They  
were all right, in their own way.... But I know youz was the   
best..."  
  
After receiving this kind of misdirected flattery, Venus   
didn't have the heart to break the drivers misperception, doing her  
best to silence her page as best she could.... She could see Sophie  
was just DYING to correct him, but a few tight, and mildly painful,  
squeezes of her arm put pay to that. Sophie sat back in her seat   
with her arms crossed, staring out of the passenger window.  
  
"So... Umm.... Which of the senshi did you like the least?"  
She felt she had to ask the question. She HAD to know. The driver  
looked aside at her in surprise, then turned back to the road.  
  
"Which one was it.... The bubblehead.... You know, the   
social butterfly who was always going from party to party, as drunk  
as the day is long.... The one with blond hair." For a moment,   
Venus wondered whether she should laugh or cry.  
  
"Sailorvenus?"  
  
"Yes, that's the one...." The driver announced, triumphantly.  
"Always drinking, she was.... Loved the good life. Course, she   
seemed to go off the boil in latter years.... All that partying  
can't be good for you. I wonder what she's doing now?"  
  
"She died." Venus said, quickly. Both the driver and Sophie  
looked back at her. "She went to pieces.... You're right, all that  
partying and stuff is no good for you... Her mind just went, and   
she was placed in an asylum in the Palace. But it was too late.   
She died in excruciating agony."  
  
"Did she?" The driver turned back to the road, biting his   
lip. "What a shame.... Still, you were my favourite, Miss Jupiter.  
And you're still around." He gave her the thumbs up, and leaned   
back in his seat, pondering. "Funny, though.... I didn't hear much  
about her passing. I would have thought there'd be a state funeral  
and all that."  
  
"They kept it all very quiet, because of the way she died."   
Sophie interjected, shooting her mistress a murderous glare. Venus  
shrugged, turning back to her windowgazing.  
  
"Ah, I see.... Makes sense, I suppose...." The driver   
trailed off, and it was quiet for the rest of the journey.  
  
----o  
  
The taxi pulled into the front entrance of the Crystal Tokyo  
Hyatt Regency. For a few moments, the front doorman didn't know   
whether to open the taxi door or not, considering the less than   
regal state of the vehicle. The sight of Venus, struggling to make   
her own way out from the back, as her page paid the taxi fare,   
forced him into action, stepping down to the taxi and taking Venus  
by the hand. "My lady." He tipped his hat to her, and she returned  
the gesture with a smile.  
  
"Excuse me, Miss Jupiter...." Venus heard the taxi driver's   
voice as she and Sophie were lead away from the cab by the doorman.  
They paused and turned to see the driver step from the taxi and up  
the main steps with his logbook. "Can you sign your autograph in   
this, Miss Jupiter.... For the boys back at the station." He held  
the front of the logbook out to her, open, a proffered pen in the   
other hand. Despite Sophie's misgivings, Venus took the logbook and  
the pen, smiling.  
  
"I'll be more than happy to."  
  
"This is just great.... The guys will freak out, something  
furious." The taxi driver was on his toes with excitement as Venus  
placed the pen against the inside front cover of the logbook,   
considering what she should write. The pen almost moved by itself.  
  
'TO THE BOYS OF THE YELLOW CAB SERVICE, BEST WISHES FROM A  
SATISFIED CUSTOMER, SAILORVENUS R.I.P.'  
  
And with that, she shut the book and handed it and the pen   
back to the driver. "Don't open that up until you get back to the  
station, you hear me?" She wagged a finger in front of him as he   
held the holy grail, tightly.  
  
"No, Miss Jupiter." He did a little dance and jogged back   
down the front stairs to his taxi. Venus watched as he got back   
into the taxi and drove away, then felt an elbow, digging into her  
ribs. She turned to Sophie, who was giving her a murderous look.  
  
"I don't mean to be rude, Venus-sama, but...."  
  
"Ehehehe...." Venus giggled. "Well, I suppose he earned what  
he got. And besides.... There's precious little fun for a Senshi   
to be found in this town."  
  
And the pair entered the front of the Hyatt, exactly ten   
minutes late....  
  
  
THE END  
  
  
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/ @ \ DDFA (The Right Dishonourable Mark A Page)  
/ / ^ ^ \ \ ayanami@internode.on.net  
/\  
\/ \/  
\___________/  
/_/ \_\ PU  
  
Version 1.0 - Tuesday, November 24th 1998 


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